LearnedLeague One-Day Special Recap: Really Terrible Superpowers, by TrelaJ
How would guest writer Joe fare on this very funny One-Day?
New this LL offseason: I am now accepting reader submissions for ML match day or 1DS recaps! If you are interested, email me at braphel@gmail.com or comment on this thread.
Announcer: This little-known Icelandic saga, written by an unknown hand in the late thirteenth century, has remained undiscovered until today. Now it comes to your screens for the first time. Fresh from the leaves of Iceland's history. The terrible 'Njorl's Saga'.
Viking: It's not that terrible.
Announcer: No, I meant 'terribly violent’.
Viking: Oh yeah, yeah.
- Beginning of “The Icelandic Saga Sketch” from Monty Python’s Flying Circus, episode 27 (“Whicker’s World”)
So which “terrible” will these powers be? I'm Joe Trela (TrelaJ out of Rundle A Olympic), and I'm here to find out with you!
1. "I know I have a power! I can feel it in my balls!" For most of the first season of cult hit British TV show Misfits, a great example of superpowers being given to normal people who immediately screw up repeatedly, main character Nathan is the only one with no obvious power. What is his power? He finds this out a little too late and needs to be rescued to start season 2.
Pre-Answer Thoughts: I’ve never seen this show…hmm, what’s a useless power to help cap the end of a season? How about “It looks like he dies…but he doesn’t”?
My Guess: COMING BACK TO LIFE AFTER DYING
Correct Answer: IMMORTALITY (HE CAN’T DIE)
Was I correct? Yes
% Incorrect: 76
Did I money? No
Points Earned: 15
Post-Answer Thoughts: A lucky get, and an auspicious start. Pity I didn’t take a chance and money it.
2. Getting the short end of the super power stick seems to be a theme for actor Robert Sheehan. Besides playing the aforementioned Nathan, one of his more recent credits includes the role of Klaus Hargreeves/Number 4 in the Netflix adaptation of The Umbrella Academy. When he is not attempting to stifle his power with various substances, what is Klaus's terrible power? Perhaps he can commiserate with a more famous M. Night Shyamalan character (not Bruce Willis) who can do the same.
Pre-Answer Thoughts: I still have to catch up with the most recent season, but I’m pretty grounded on the main characters and their abilities. So unless they’re talking about “abuse of controlled substances”, they probably mean his ability to talk to the dead.
My Guess: TALKING TO THE DEAD
Correct Answer: HE SEES DEAD PEOPLE
Was I correct? Yes
% Incorrect: 21
Did I money? No
Points Earned: 15
Post-Answer Thoughts: It certainly was a useful power for the show’s writers.
3. Your Smith was inspired to write this 1DS after reading an interview about the most recent movie version of The Suicide Squad. Creator James Gunn and actor Nathan Fillion spent a significant time researching the most obscure and useless "hero" for Fillion to play in the film. The result was a falling-down-laughing performance as "TDK". What does TDK stand for? Hint: it's not The Dark Knight. Alternate name AFOB also accepted
Pre-Answer Thoughts: I haven’t seen The Suicide Squad yet (although I need to so I can watch The Peacemaker), but I do remember the trailer, and I’ve seen a couple of episodes of the animated Harley Quinn show. So I’m guessing they’re talking about Kite Man.
My Guess: KITE MAN
Correct Answer: THE DETACHABLE KID, ARM FALL OFF BOY
Was I correct? No
% Incorrect: 60
Did I money? Yes
Points Earned: 0
Post-Answer Thoughts: Sigh…spoilers…
4. "Oh, wow, what a surprise. A water crime. They only call me when there's trouble at a dock. Or a river or a lake, a canal. A jetty." So laments The Deep, a parody of the hero Aquaman in the first season of an Amazon Prime series, an adaptation of a comic by Garth Ennis that spoofs everything from The Justice League, to the X-Men and nearly every mainstream superhero in between. Name the series which also refers to the group taking down the "Supes"
Pre-Answer Thoughts: Haven’t seen this series yet either, but thanks to Jeff Bezos and his ineluctable algorithms, I’m well aware of it.
My Guess: THE BOYS
Correct Answer: THE BOYS
Was I correct? Yes
% Incorrect: 9
Did I money? No
Points Earned: 15
Post-Answer Thoughts: This is one of those series where I just read the episode breakdowns on Wikipedia because I just cannot.
5. As a precocious young llama, your smith would often answer the question of "what super power do you want?" with some smart-aleck response about being able to use anybody else's powers. Perhaps I would have thought differently if I had to deal with the terrible consequences faced by what long-time X-Man and former member of the Brotherhood of Mutants? One might say her powers "suck".
Pre-Answer Thoughts: No problem with this one, sugah!
My Guess: ROGUE
Correct Answer: ROGUE
Was I correct? YES
% Incorrect: 21
Did I money? Yes
Points Earned: 36
Post-Answer Thoughts: Back when I was actively reading the X-Men comics in the 80s, Rogue had more-or-less permanently absorbed Captain Marvel’s powers and possessed the Standard Superhero Package (flight, super strength, and nigh-invulnerability). After submitting the answers, I checked online to see if she still had them and found that in one issue of What If…?, she had absorbed Thor’s powers while still a villain. It went about as well as you’d expect.
6. Honestly, when it comes to the X-Men, a lot of characters have really terrible powers, especially the mutants who are just hanging around in the background most of the time. Name either of these poor souls whose powers are mostly just…..looking like that. One can make projectiles and the other can sort of fly, I guess
Pre-Answer Thoughts: There are a lot of X-Men that fit the description, but I’m guessing they’re talking about the core members - one of whom (Warren Worthington III, aka Angel) brought a large pair of wings and a lot of money to the table.
My Guess: ANGEL
Correct Answer: GLOB, BEAK
Was I correct? Yes (apparently)
% Incorrect: 26
Did I money? Yes
Points Earned: 41
Post-Answer Thoughts: I guess this was retroactively added as an acceptable correct answer based on the “flying” description.
7. Lev Grossman's The Magicians is a fantastic, dark and thoughtful magic adventure, in which the lesson is often that fixing small things about yourself is more important than grand gestures. Main character Quentin Coldwater learns this when finally discovering his magic discipline and its less-than-stellar implications. Name either Quentin's magical discipline or the first year class in which he learns it.
Pre-Answer Thoughts: It’s been a while since I’ve watched the show, and if I remember correctly Quentin had skill with close-in magic.
My Guess: PRESTIDIGITATION
Correct Answer: REPAIR OF SMALL OBJECTS, MINOR MENDING
Was I correct? No
% Incorrect: 91
Did I money? No
Points Earned: 0
Post-Answer Thoughts: Guess I had to be more specific.
8. Sometimes a power can be really terrible because it's just way too strong. What is the title of the manga/anime featuring the hero Saitama who has become depressed because he can't find an opponent who can stand up to his ridiculous power level?
Pre-Answer Thoughts: Another series I need to catch up on, but one I know for sure.
My Guess: ONE PUNCH MAN
Correct Answer: ONE PUNCH MAN
Was I correct? Yes
% Incorrect: 43
Did I money? Yes
Points Earned: 58
Post-Answer Thoughts: His useful power is finding great deals on produce at the supermarket!
9. "Form of: A trivia question!" Super Friends from the original late 1970s cartoon, The Wonder Twins have great powers. Well, one of them does. While Jayna can take the form of any animal, her brother Zan is stuck changing into any form of what substance?
Pre-Answer Thoughts: MEANWHILE, in the Hall of Justice…a living example of the bucket list.
My Guess: WATER
Correct Answer: WATER
Was I correct? Yes
% Incorrect: 23
Did I money? No
Points Earned: 15
Post-Answer Thoughts: My personal rankings of the various Super Friends episodes (which would randomly show up in the 3:00 after-school syndication slot on one of our local UHF stations):
The Wendy and Marvin episodes - no violence, no super-villains. BORING.
The Wonder Twins episodes - pretty solid, even if Gleek the space monkey got annoying after a while. Plus Zan and Jayna would teach you how to put out a fire or perform an emergency tracheotomy or something.
The Darkseid episodes - action-packed, but all the characters they shoehorned in from the toys made things hard to follow for my still-forming brain. Plus even then, I wondered if having Robin and Aquaman go up against cosmic-level Jack Kirby New Gods (or, for that matter, Joker vs. Superman) was really fair.
The Legion of Doom episodes - THE BEST, MOST METAL EPISODES, NO QUESTION. There was one episode where the LoD picked off every member of the Justice League one by one with a “noxium crystal”*, and one where they accidentally raise an army of the undead, and one where they triggered solar flares that nuked the entire planet and everyone on it (including the JLA)** and…
…
Anyway…clearly I have given this more thought that is healthy.
* They all turned out to be android doubles - thanks, Standards and Practices!
** S&P - I mean, aliens - fixed it all with time travel.
10. With great power there must also come great responsibility. With really terrible powers comes some really messed up versions of our favorite heroes. What is the (nearly identical) super hero name of the variant of Peter Parker that was entirely devoured by a hive of arachnids? The creatures took on his consciousness and piled into a humanoid form, causing havoc in 2018's Spider-Geddon event. (correct spelling and hyphen placement required)
Pre-Answer Thoughts: I have heard of this guy - I just hope I got the hyphen placement correct.
My Guess: SPIDERS-MAN
Correct Answer: SPIDERS-MAN
Was I correct? Yes
% Incorrect: 71
Did I money? Yes
Points Earned: 86
Post-Answer Thoughts: Who wins in a fight - Spiders-Man, or Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare Before Christmas? Or…maybe they don’t fight? Ship ahoy!
11. In The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, you can go through a very complicated trade sequence to acquire the Biggoron Sword which is twice as strong as the Master Sword. Or, if you're feeling lazy, you can shell out 200 rupees for what item? This really terrible version will break after only a few swings.
Pre-Answer Thoughts: Unfortunately the only version of Zelda I’ve played is the original NES version, so I’ll make a guess based on the common hierarchy of weapon materials found in computer RPGs.
My Guess: WOODEN SWORD
Correct Answer: GIANT’S KNIFE
Was I correct? No
% Incorrect: 89
Did I money? No
Points Earned: 0
Post-Answer Thoughts: I would have thought it would involve chickens somehow.
12. What's Up Loser Llamas?! Deadpool here! I'm hijacking this last question to talk about my favorite topic: ME! My healing factor is an awesome power, bringing me back from the most gruesome injuries. What sucks is that it also always heals and brings back the cancer in my lungs, liver, brain and my what? as per my movies' continuity.
Pre-Answer Thoughts: Way to circle back to Q1- at least that’s what I’m assuming.
My Guess: TESTICLES
Correct Answer: PROSTATE
Was I correct? No
% Incorrect: 86
Did I money? No
Points Earned: 0
Post-Answer Thoughts: Missed it by just a few inches!
Final Score: 281 points (593 possible)
Rank: 232/821 (72nd percentile)
This was fun! Hope you had fun too!